You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
