What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
