she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
