Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
