How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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