she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
