he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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