Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
