Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We don't watch enough power rangers
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
