I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
