census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize