My Higher Power is John Stamos
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
