No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
