I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my phone needs a breathalizer
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hippo gnu deer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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