do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
