I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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