sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
