Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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