i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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