I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize