If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
