My cat gives me a boner
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
