oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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