remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
