this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
