i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
