Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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