Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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