I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
