i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize