Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
