Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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