Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
