I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
