But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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