Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
