too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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