Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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