Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
