I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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