I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
