I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
