How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
