You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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