Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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