I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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