I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I looked at my own cervix.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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