thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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