Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
