.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
