It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
