I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
