My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
