There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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