You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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