I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
