this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize