If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
