Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
