Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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