even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
