Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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